So, you have decided to have a baby. Whether this would be your very first child, or your second or third, it may take a little longer than you expected.

[More:]

Why am I not pregnant yet? - Oh, I hate this stage. This one is a recurring one, unfortunately. For some women, every single month, the same thing...negative HPT after negative HPT. Then you question your fertility, your ability, and in general, your sanity. This stage usually lasts for the first few days you get your period, which is enhanced by PMS.

You may be tempted to move from trying on your own naturally to seeking medical advice. This can be frustrating because most doctors do not believe you have a problem until you've been trying for at least a year (charting may be beneficial or even necessary depending on the doctor).

What about all the advice that we have received from our elders, teachers and counselors while we were growing up? You know..."All it takes is just one time...", well, that is true, but, did you know that even with perfect timing an average, young, healthy couple could be doing the baby dance for four to five months before pregnancy is achieved, and up to 85% take up to one year.

Try to not completely try timing intercourse but instead relaxing and regularly making love two to three times a week. In addition, making love once a day during the four to five days prior to ovulation and the day of ovulation would be optimal. Unfortunately, many women try to time sex too perfectly and many times that's exactly the opposite of what's suggested.

Hang in there! If you have been to the doctors and everything seems to be in order, RELAX, join a TTC circle. You can meet women that are your age, TTC for the same amount of time, and even have husbands that say all the same things. It will make you feel like you're not losing your mind after all.

"The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination"
-Marion Zimmer Bradley

Ok, Now onto the flipside...

Things can also turn ugly, real fast. I am talking from a personal TTC experience of my own. Please read my story and learn from it as well.

Eight months ago, I mentioned to my husband, that I would like to have a baby with him. Six months ago, he decided one day, to not "pull out" during one of our love making sessions. On the day he did that, I became an obsessive monster, no, im not kidding. Ok, well, maybe not right away, but this is how it started...

Armed with the fairytale thought that I would get pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex in the middle of my cycle, I went online and joined a message board filled with other women who, themselves, we trying to conceive. After talking to some ladies there, I was referred to an online BBT charting website, which I also signed up for. I really knew nothing about trying to conceive, as my last two children were from a previous marriage and were accidents surprises.

I began charting my temperatures, checking my cervical fluid, chatting with these ladies on a daily basis and obsessing over every single ping, pang, twinge and breast change. I was SO SURE I was pregnant.

Well, the end of my cycle came, and to my surprise, so did my period. I was devestated, to say the least. "OK" , I said, "We will get it next month". The next month goes by, I get more and more educated through my journey, obsess a little more and also cried alot more when my period came...yet again.

At the end of the third month, my husband got pretty sick of the emotional pain that I was going through and didn't know how to handle it. He began using the "tough love" method, telling me to "get over it", "it will happen", and my personal favorite, "STOP OBSESSING".

Four cycles & four periods later, I am even more obsessive that I ever have been, because, this is all so very addicting. I am peeing on HPTs left and right, wasting money like a champ. Im also pretending that I am not the obsessive monster that I am, so he wouldnt feel the effects of my addiction. I managed to pull it off for a little while, but then when my period came, once again, I cried like a baby.

Five months go by, and I am being so very good about not obsessing. I, myself, am sick of the emotional pain that I am going through, so I decided to stop charting, stop temping, but I kept on checking my cervical fluid. I realized that I had a pretty good idea of my cycle pattern from the previous months of charting, so I was just on the lookout for some good egg white fluid to signal what day we should baby dance. Well, I never got the eggwhites, but I did get watery fluid, so I got him into bed that day, and every other day from that day on for about a week. Feeling confident that it would work this month, I was pretty happy, and quite frankly, relaxed & relieved from not charting.

A few days after I had thought I ovulated, my husband says to me that he would like to take a TTC break because of how stressful it is and what it does to me. He wanted to wait a year before trying again. I felt so upset and alone, how could I just stop? I was in this TTC thing up to my eyeballs! But, of course, if one person feels this way, then I guess I have to go along with it. Nevermind how I feel about it....right?

I wished I could go back in time and not obsess (openly atleast). I felt like I did this to myself with all of my ridiculous obsessing. BUT, I also had baby danced with him during my fertile time that month, so I thought, maybe "This Time".

Stupidly, I decide to take an early pregnancy test at 11 DPO (days past ovulation), and I get a second line! I was so excited! The line was light, but definatly there. I decided to take 2 more of the same test for the following two days, hoping the line would get darker, so I could really "feel" pregnant and believe it. I got faint lines two more times and got even more excited. I kept on testing because I was still in search of darker lines and the next day, I took two tests in a row using FMU (first morning urine) and the tests came back NEGATIVE! Well, talk about devastation. The only thing that was worst then that, was my period that came 4 days later.

Please take what you will from my story, I hope it opened up your eyes to the ups and downs & emotional aspects of trying to make a baby. It is highly addicting and can put a huge strain on your relationship. You are trying to create a family, not divorce your husband in the process. Try to keep baby dancing fun, and if you must obsess, confide in a girlfriend, because, most men don't want to hear about your cervical position, mucus or basal body temperature. In fact, don't even tell him that you are fertile, men can feel alot of pressure to "perform" around this time.